


Kindness in the Cold

by I_Gave_You_Fair_Warning



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Sweet Worried Clones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-11-11 15:25:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11151225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_Gave_You_Fair_Warning/pseuds/I_Gave_You_Fair_Warning
Summary: Obi-Wan is tired. He needs someone to reach out to him.This time, someone does.And also something completely random in the Author Notes that has nothing to do with anything.





	Kindness in the Cold

**Author's Note:**

> I have a habit of collecting quotes from books I've read. They sit in documents on the computer and never end up being seen by me again.
> 
> The stories I post here I write for me, because these are things I'd like to see. For that reason I end up re-reading them. I had the idea to stick quotes at the beginnings of these, that way I can see the quotes again and re-enjoy what I liked the first time around.
> 
> However, to have the quote match the story that holds it? I'm not going to put that much effort into it. So you have appropriate warning ahead of time, the likelihood is none of it will make sense together. <3 So, to begin...
> 
> I read old books. Really old books. This is from one of the (unabridged, unaltered) Elsie Dinsmore novels. I didn't write down (and can't remember) which number, but it's Elsie's grandchild speaking, here, so it could easily be in the number 13-19 range.
> 
> "...  
> "How good that was," laughed Lulu. "It reminds me of the British at Boston asking the Americans to sell them their balls which they had picked up, and the Americans answering, 'Give us powder and we'll return your balls.' But is that all of your story, papa?"  
> ...”
> 
> By which, of course, she meant ammunition. But in the modern era, it's open to interpretation. Sometimes, old literature is hilarious without even attempting to be.
> 
> And now: On to a story that has absolutely nothing to do with the quote, one that some of you have been waiting for quite patiently. Love to you all.

 

His soul was cold.

It was a chill that had fallen at the time of the Naboo invasion, but now he couldn't remember if the frostbite had begun before or during his master's death.

Some days, he wondered if perhaps it had stretched backwards into his past too, even as it creeping claimed his future. His memories seemed tainted with it. Crawling, spreading cracks that didn't used to be there.

Now he stood at the long-silent tactical table, the doors between it and the rest of the bridge closed.

Alone.

In the midst of battle he'd made a decision. A decision based on the information he had at the time. A decision that had to be made in the blink of an eye.

Men had died.

_ So  _ many men had died. A whole ship of them,  _ thousands,  _ gone.

Obi-Wan hung his head and tried to remember a time when he  _ didn't  _ have that kind of weight to bear. When his decisions could get himself killed, but no one else was in harm's way.

_ Forgive me,  _ he begged the men who'd lost brothers today.

_ Make my afterlife hell,  _ he begged the men who'd  _ been _ lost today.

He saw the trust in their eyes when they looked at him. Near worship, at times.

_ I don't deserve it. _

The door slid open, then closed again, admitting a quiet step and a presence that had never been quiet in its life.

The other held his silence until he reached Obi-Wan's side, a blur of wine red and dark gray at the corner of his eye.

“Are you alright?”  
“Yes.” He didn't know why he lied to this man, why he  _ always  _ lied about  _ this  _ to this man, when he tried to be so honest about everything else—

“You're not.”

Obi-Wan sensed the strange pacing of Anakin's signature that indicated the younger Jedi wanted to hug him.

_ Please don't. This day has had quite enough as it is. _

Anakin refrained.

Obi-Wan only hoped the wedges between them could be broken down  _ somehow _ , surely Anakin wasn't hugging him because he feared being rejected—

Every time Obi-Wan tried to communicate, to share, his words tangled, Anakin misunderstood, and they walked away more frustrated than before.

Warmth reached out to envelop Obi-Wan's mind, wrapping strength and gentleness around his soul, locking out the wails of the night. It seeped into the cracks, filling the wounds the cold inflicted, soothing and chasing away the encroaching ice.

It was filled with understanding. A total lack of impatience. An acceptance of who Obi-Wan was and what he could and could not do.

_ I am here for you,  _ it said,  _ unconditionally. _

The embrace of a Jedi.

Tears flooded Obi-Wan's eyes as his mind reeled in shock.

He'd long given up hope of Anakin holding him. Long resigned himself to the fact that Anakin couldn't understand the depth of such an expression of love, that he could only speak with his arms—

Obi-Wan felt Anakin take every worry, every regret, and drag them onto his own shoulders, granting Obi-Wan a moment of absolute peace.

And then Obi-Wan was sobbing, feeling so  _ loved,  _ he'd  _ never  _ felt  _ loved  _ by Anakin before—

Somehow his arms were around his former Padawan. He was dimly aware of it, only as he reached out to his other half to chase away the places where his soul was broken too. Wooing Anakin's fears away to his own safekeeping.

He  _ saw  _ things. Saw things Anakin had long kept hidden.

There was a  _ reason  _ Anakin kept distance between them, apparantly. He didn't trust Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan could sense Anakin felt startled by some of the things  _ he  _ discovered in his former master as well.

In this moment, no transgression of the past mattered, because the only thing that remained was the golden light wrapping around them, complete oneness with each other and the universe.

Obi-Wan hoped, desperately, that Anakin could feel as safe and loved as he himself did—

Yes, the assurance came back. He understood.

Now,  _ finally,  _ he understood.

And then Obi-Wan felt gentle hands separating them, blinked back to himself and realized an hour had passed.

Anakin looked disoriented, but in the best way possible as he steadied himself against Obi-Wan's shoulders and blinked in sleepy wonder.

“What was that?” Anakin whispered.

“Joint meditation.”

Anakin's eyes widened. “ _ That's  _ what you were trying to teach me?” 

“Yes, Anakin. That's what you were fighting against and considered boring.”

“Kark. I must have been doing it all wrong.”

Obi-Wan reached up to brush the lock of hair that had fallen in Anakin's eyes back. “It requires a still mind to begin, Padawan.”

“I was just trying to give  _ you  _ peace, since you haven't had any in such a long time...”

Obi-Wan smiled. “Often trying to help someone else helps us. It happens far more often than most people think.”

“What are you going to do?” Anakin asked, fear returning as he remembered all that Obi-Wan had seen.

“Nothing, this evening. We're going to sleep. We'll face it tomorrow, together.”

“You don't hate me?”

“Nothing could make me hate you. Though I wish you had trusted me enough to confide sooner. You suffered alone too long.”

Anakin ducked his head, ashamed.

“What was it that made you want to trust me after a decade of withholding it?”

“You'd suffered alone too long,” Anakin echoed back in a murmur. “I've seen you dying by inches through this war. I saw you standing there, so isolated, and decided if there was anything I could do to save you, I  _ would,  _ no matter what it cost me.”

Obi-Wan pressed a palm to Anakin's face. “I don't deserve you,” he whispered. “You have no idea how grateful I am for you. After all of my mistakes raising you...”

“No parent is perfect.” Anakin gave Obi-Wan a rueful grin. “What counts is you gave your best. Hell, I pray the Force every night Ahsoka forgets half of what I've said and done during the day.”

A smile tugged open Obi-Wan's lips. “You're doing very well, Anakin.”

“Doesn't feel like it.”

“Never does.”  
A cleared throat had Obi-Wan turning around to find Kix holding a chronometer and looking perturbed, Rex, Cody, and several others in the doorway neither Jedi had heard open...

“It's not natural,” Kix protested. “Staring at nothing for  _ a whole hour.  _ I waved my hand in front of your faces, I  _ spoke  _ to you,  _ nothing _ .  _ Are you alright, Generals? _ ”

“Yes,” Obi-Wan said—

And for once, it wasn't a lie.

 

 


End file.
